Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
