She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
