If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
worst night to have a conscience
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
