Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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