I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
