Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
