U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
