let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm at about main and main street
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
