she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize