She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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