My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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