The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
