i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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