It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize