I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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