i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
