Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
