somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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