Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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