isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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