At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
