I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize