I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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