There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
