Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
