We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
