So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
