He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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