I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
