Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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