Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
