i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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