Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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