So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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