these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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