take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
