You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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