Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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