Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
