I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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