Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
