capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
