i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
