ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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