and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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