just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
