he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
