I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize