Swine flu. Run for my life!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
