well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize