She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
