I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
