Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
