What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
