So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
