Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
