I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
