worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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