anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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