i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
