wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
