R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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