The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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