Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
