you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
