dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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