Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
