I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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