White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
