I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
