well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
