Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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