I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
