if i can run in heels then i can drive
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
