I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
