haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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