I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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