Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh god it's open bar.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
