he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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