If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize