How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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