that's an acceptable place to lick
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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