woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
