never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
