I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
