You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
