mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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