You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
