:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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