I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
