are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
