Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
