i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
