I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
