Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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