I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sober January is a disaster.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
