I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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