'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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