You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
