There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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