were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
