Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
