I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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