i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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