Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
