Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
