Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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